Synchronized Exhale

It is noon, and I can't get myself out of this deep blue. I was too calm for such a life changing event. Was I covering my panic with delightful bouts of swimming? I am not sure, all I was certain of is that the ceremony starts in an hour and a half and here I am playing in the water with the rest of the wedding party. Like other brides, I wanted to be fashionably late.

I left the water and rinsed off at the outdoor shower. Everyone was at my beck and call, it was surreal and dreamy. Laurie ran to get my shampoo and conditioner. Angela laughed at my casual behavior. See, if you haven't showered in the outdoors, you feel one with nature! Than it hit me, this was it! This was my last hour and half as a single person. I was letting it sink in once and for all. Letting the water rinse me of all of my anxious worries. Honestly, it was scary, but I think I was more excited than anything.

In the midst of my shower...in my bathing suit, soggy flip flops, soapy head and filth foam at my feet, I decided that I would right my vows! Ding!!!!! So I tipped my sister off to let Shane know. Shane, on the otherhand, might not agree with my decision.

The hair and makeup woman began working on my hair. Meanwhile, my assistant tried to make sure I was on the smooth. On the same vein, everyone and their dog kept checking in to see, if I was okay. I assure you, if I wasn’t, my random bald patches would be apparent. Instead, I was in heaven with a chilled glass of champagne and as long as they kept the shots of chilled Don Julio coming, it was all smoothicity from here.

Jeanie, my wedding coordinator, kept bugging me to hurry. I’ve never been on time for anything and you’d better bet your bare ass on a hot penny that I wasn’t going to be punctual to my own wedding. I mean that would defy the theory of gravity? She kept insisting that we be ready by one thirty. I kept insisting that she back off, before I put a stop payment on that check, godamnit.

My makeup woman who specialized in photos, didn’t specialize in the power of sunlight. She kept insisting that photos was the only document to remember this moment. Listen, I caught her drift, but I didn’t want to be remembered as the bride with ten inches of makeup. Eew! Plus, Shane loathed makeup, and he wouldn’t be too thrilled with the muck on my face. Stupid photos!

Along with my pile of makeup on my face, there was other evil to deal with at hand; my snakes. My head topped with hot rollers, I was reluctant that my hair would hold up with the goop, guck and sleek she put in. I advised that she not put so much product on my hair, as it tends to weigh it down. Nope! Dr. Frankenstein, went ahead with her bad ass deaf ears. Don’t you think that I, out of everyone, would know best about my hair? It seemed that everything was not as expected, but hey what could I do? I had to just go with the flow of madness.