Can't wait to go home!

Just in case your having a destination wedding, traveling with your wedding dress is a real: bee eye tee see eightch. Well I’m usually the shortest one in the bunch, unless I’m hanging out with midgets, so the dress bag was a literal drag. It was difficult, and trying, at times to transport this dress that is twice the size of me vertically. Why is my sweetie not helping? He and Kyle were too occupied slaving over two cases of decent wine as their carry on luggage.

After the hubbub fizzled, we finally boarded the plane. I could not wait to get in my seat and pass out. Rejuvenate. I was on my way to see my family first. I couldn’t wait to see my family. Still, there was a haze of anxiety about me, because it was my family.

Did you know that most airlines don’t offer a deck of cards, pillows and sometimes blankets? Forget about a free, snack and meal? It’s all in the past. History. Finished. Forget about it. Well, unless your flying Hawaiian or Aloha Air, where the “aloha” way is to fly and get fed. I was on America Air, where the American way is to pay for your snack and meals. Snookered again! Snookered moreover by the movie, Kid’s from New York’s barrios competing to win in this dance contest. I was triple juxed on American Air.

Kyle busted his prehistoric CD player. Of course, Shane and I tried our best to make him feel uncomfortablly outdated by nonchalantly loudly, “Is that a Compact Disc Player? That is so like, 1990’s. How pedestrian.” I, on the otherhand, was enjoying the convenience of a shuffle on my IPod, until Shane wanted to share the headphones. Split headphones? Talk about retarded. Anyway, I knew within a song or two that he would spit on my music preference. There he goes rambling about my music, so his side of the headphone was confiscated.

It was lights out for Shane, it was drool central. I advised Kyle to get his camera out, because within ten minutes we would have drool. Since I traveled with blue, my stuffed blue dog, I directed Kyle to, “roll the tape.” We made a little film of blue traipsing (and other tasteful adult acts) all over Shane. Yes, it was totally preschool humor, but it was better than the movie that was playing on that trinket they call a monitor.

Shane and Kyle began their vacation with cocktails: jack and coke. Anyway, after two cocktails they began their journey to get more doltish than rowdy. Kyle removes my engagement ring and stuffs it in his nose. They both laugh. I, of course, refuse to wear the ring. Ewk, it’s probably covered with Kyle’s harmful microscopic macabre mud he calls booger. So we go through the motions of bickering. Shane pleads for me to put the ring back on. I refuse until it is sterile and clean. He demonstrates that he has rinsed it in alcohol (his drink), therefore, it is clear of anything Kyle. I make him prove it, by making him lick the diamond. He cringes for a half second and proves his love. I can't believe he licked the ring, even if it was filthy, I was committed to wear the ring.

"Ding." The gentle sound to buckle our seat belts. "We will be making our descent for Honolulu. It is a warm eighty three degrees with a gentle breeze of five miles per hour. We appreciate you flying with us and we hope to see you soon."

Touch down! I was glad that we made it safely. I could see the palm trees swaying greeting me back home.