Elvis! Showgirls! Hookers and Gamblers unite!

If it isn't one thing, it's a hemmorage!

I know, I'm being dramatic again. Smile. But! My wedding date is around the bend. I am not on a strict diet of raw crap and greens (like I thought I would). I haven't worked out everyday (like I promised). I want a godamn washboard! WHah WHAH whAH! Don't cry for me Argentina...not yet. I have allocated six months to work for it. Well I have hit my six month mark and I am still not ab worthy.

First, it was my bachlorette party in Vegas (the place with the best pool wins). Now, another bachlorette party in South Beach, Miami. All I can think about is the consumption of booze in vegas and the consuming of cuban eats in Miami...South Beach Diet I spit on you. With that spit comes the pain. With that spit and pain, I feel the pressure of thongs and g-strings swirling in my head. I think I'll be rockin' the one piece speedo spandex deluxe special.

I fear that I won't gain my unrealistic abs and I loathe that I will be a chubby bride. This is Shellie Cadelinia from the spine of her vanity back to you Bob in the studios.